I'm not sure how I haven't posted in so long, I've written the beginning to several entries in my head, they just never seem to come to fruition though.  We've been busy, that's for sure.  I also find myself surfing and reading more blogs when I'm at the computer instead of updating this one.  I'm going to try to work on that.  Starting now...(hold on, it's probably going to be long!)

We got home Thursday night from nearly a week in San Antonio. (Those are Nate's photos from his phone!)  It was the first time for our entire family to make the trip (the boys and I went alone twice this summer) since last year at this same time for Penny's funeral, in fact we left the 16th which was the anniversary of her death.  In true Jenn fashion, however, it was a relatively easy day for us because I thought Friday was the 15th.  It took Aunt Vicki calling to check on us as well as give us the news that Great Aunt Audrey had died (Penny's mom's sister) for me to finally realize that it was in fact the 16th.  My quote was something like, (talking about Grandma's heartache) "at least it didn't happen tomorrow, that'd make it even harder"  Vicki's response was something like, "why? today is the anniversary", "no, it's tomorrow, tomorrow is the 16th"  "no, Jenn, today is"  "well, it went much better then I'd been anticipating then!" I had to laugh because Penny would have thought it was pretty funny.  I must say though there were several tears shed in San Antonio at the most random times, I never realized how sneaky grief is...something you'd never think would make you sad brings instant, unexpected tears (just one example--seeing the sign for the Rudy's by her house--something we often picked up for dinner).  We did LOTS of fun stuff though, things she would have loved to be here for.  Her crew is quite a bunch now--SEVEN grandkids (6 months to 6 years)!  Our first day was downtown SA including the Alamo and Market Square and then we all got together for dinner at Nevin's new house; day 2 was an outing to the Quadrangle of Fort Sam Houston and dinner at Nate's dad's new digs; day 3 was a way-too-quick play date with Sofia and then off to the whole day at Aunt Nicole's new house; day 4 was Sea World--6 kids and 3 moms (remember one of those kids was Jason though); day 5 was low key; day 6 was turkey day and the drive home late.  I'm tired again just recounting it and I forgot to add our 3 trips to the gym (that isn't that close to my mom's) or our 3 fun "escapes" where Nate and I went out after then kids were down for a margarita (why we had to go the gym!)  We had lots of fun and the cousins got along SO well that we are really looking forward to a Christmas visit.  Our kids hadn't seen Papa and Grandma since Destin so they got in as much time with them as possible too, including a trip to Peter Piper Pizza for the boys sans us--greatness! 

This weekend we decorated the house for Christmas, something that has NEVER been done this early!  Depending on your perspective our tree is either a priceless piece of art or a pathetic mish mash of craziness as the boys are exclusively responsible for the ornament placement.  I once had a perfectly coordinated and meticulously adorned Christmas tree, but that was 7 years ago.  In fact, Jason tried to open the box of coordinating glass balls in an effort to cram more stuff on the tree, I pondered donating them as I packed them back up.  I now have a hodge podge of ornaments and several tree branches hosting more than 3 shoved-on trinkets!  I have to say though, I think it's priceless.  Perhaps if we ever move to a new home (like everyone in SA has!) we'll have room for 2 trees-- a do-not-touch- one and the family one!  My guess is that I'll always like the latter one better but it would be fun to have a touch of Martha somewhere in our house!  Audrey is having a ball, literally, with the tree.  I swear if she takes off one more ball shaped ornament and throws it, I'm not sure the tree will last til Christmas!  The boys were pretty good about putting glass things above her reach, but she's pretty crafty, we'll see how long anything lasts at her level!  I just took a look at the tree and can see already a marked decrease in ornaments at the bottom of the tree (the boys keep moving them up!)

She's doing great by the way; eating is still coming along.  We have great days and minimal days.  The nutritionist comes tomorrow so we'll get an unofficial weight check before heading to the ped later this week to decide if we can continue on only 3 tube feeds (vs. the 4 we were on).  She has a little runny nose too, but compared to where were last year at this time (several pnuemonias and constant wheezing), I'm not sweating it at all. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about where we were last year.  I've even gone back and read my posts from then to really remember the details.  It was a little overwhelming, mostly because it makes me feel inadequate now.  My life was hard then, physically and emotionally hard, but from reading my posts, I sounded so okay, so happy even.  Why then do I find myself so crabby now?  My life is easy now, crazy, but easy, especially when compared to last year.  It has really been bugging me and I've been trying to make a conscious effort to choose to be less crabby and mindful of how good I have it and the blessings I've been given but I still end up snapping at the boys more than I'd like and not getting stuff done that I think I should.  If you have an answer, feel free to share it, Nate especially would appreciate it as he gets the worst of my ugliness.  Poor guy has been pretty great lately too; I just got this as a belated birthday gift/early xmas gift (it came out after my birthday)--it's WAY cooler than those dorky ipods everyone has .  I love it!

Finally, Skinny Cow!  This is the last week of our weight loss challenge and the push is on.   I've lost nearly 15 pounds and Nate is closer to 20!  Nate is actually in 2nd place but I don't think he'll be able to catch Miss I-didn't-even-have-a-taste-of-Thanksgiving-Pie who is looking super thin these days.  Trisa, you are my hero!!!  Next Saturday is the final weigh in, send us some good vibes this week, we need 'em.  We are planning on continuing the journey, I still have at least 15 more to go and would like to actually have some muscle tone someday!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

ETA:  I've added 3 new albums.  The San Antonio one isn't complete, I'm waiting on pics from Papa Roger and Aunt Sarah (hint, hint)!